Maybe it’s all the vlogs I’ve been binging on YouTube but I’m rediscovering the value in documenting crucial seasons in my life and having something to look back on. I honestly didn’t expect to enjoy this whole process of making a visual diary—from shooting all the clips to editing and putting everything together.

I also wanted to make this a segment in my blog because I thought there’d be a lot of other stories behind my visual diaries.

Last month, I went on a 9-day trip to Manila for a change of scenery with my best friend.

I was in the worst headspace approaching this trip, so I literally had to force myself to fly out since we booked this back in February. I made zero plans except to visit our uni campus and office warehouse, so I landed in Manila knowing I’ll simply be playing things by ear.

Little did I realize that not having to force anything and simply staying present could make a far bigger impact than constantly chasing after goals and manically controlling every aspect of my life. Because I got to intentionally rest while being in a different place (that’s not my bedroom), I felt so refreshed and found myself finally getting out of that horrible slump I was in.

For months I just kept repotting myself and forcing things to happen that I eventually ended up isolating because I couldn’t seem to get my groove back. Drowning in your own misery can already be so alienating, but you end up swimming even deeper into your seclusion when nothing seems to get you out of your head.

I kept forcing control over everything in my life from my health to my job and my relationships that I was already becoming a master at self-delusion. I’m pretty sure I’d still be stuck in that downward spiral if I never had to force myself to pack my bags and fly out.

Looking back, I realized that maybe all I needed was a bit of sunlight in the form of a trip to help cultivate the ground I was in and to remind myself that “I am here now.”

Being surrounded by my safe people also helped me find a sense of comfort that I couldn’t even get from my own self in volitional isolation. I didn’t let a single person in or know what I was actually going through, and it was only when I finally allowed a few friends to take a peek at my chaos that I also learned to open up and be honest with myself. That simple act of vulnerability helped me gradually come to terms with my reality and understand that I can make better choices this way.

It’s so obvious that my Manila trip dramatically shifted my mindset for the better because I started setting new goals, planned more trips, got more creative, and became a lot more productive. I also finally had a good therapy session after months of going back and forth in confusion and helplessness (my therapist just needed me to figure out the root of the problem on my own). The idea to start a blog also sprang out of that trip and gave me another creative outlet, something I learned really aids my healing and growth.

I’ve blabbered for way too long so I’m ending this entry with what I personally think the recipe of getting out of a slump is—intentional rest, vulnerability, and a change in scenery.

Life is full of surprises and who knows when I’ll be going through another one of these episodes again, but I guess you just have check back in a few months to see me put this recipe to the test.

See you in the next visual diary!