Dear you,

Hello from your future self. Can you believe it’s been a month since you turned 26? Somehow it feels like nothing and everything has changed.

I know you kept thinking about your late twenties. You had so many hopes and dreams for this age. Didn’t you want to settle down and start a family? Have your career all figured out? Live on your own and travel the world?

Honestly, things aren’t exactly how you imagined them to be. I know you simply wanted to dream, but did it ever cross your mind that those dreams might not even be yours to begin with?

The reality is that those hopes and dreams of yours will eventually turn into nagging expectations. At some point, everything will feel like an uphill battle, a never-ending race.

Maybe the world was screaming too loud but you still paid attention to everything it had to say. You didn’t care if it was a clamorous sound, everyone else was listening to it anyway. Like forcing yourself to sit through an entire Yeah Yeah Yeahs album at 13 just to say you listened to indie rock when all you really wanted was to bop to Lady Gaga.

You dreamed what everyone else dreamed and followed the same path to “success” as they call it. I’m telling you now, you’ll soon get tired of such a life. And I mean, let’s be real, indie rock was never for you. Girl, have you ever heard of K-pop?

Anyway, here are the facts—you just turned 26, still living under your parents’ roof, unsure of your career path, and single as a pringle. Disappointed? I bet you are. But you know how I feel about all of this?

I actually feel stable, hopeful, and at peace. I feel joy in its purest sense—joy from being comfortable and confident in my own skin, joy from restoring my relationship with God, joy from being around my safe people, and joy from accepting the reality of life’s uncertainty.

You wouldn’t believe what breakthroughs you’re about to uncover. You wouldn’t believe how so much of yourself can change while everything else around you will stay the same.

You’ll realize that everyone else is fighting an inner battle. Yes, even the ones you’ve admired and looked up to all your life. That people will only show you the most polished versions of themselves, and never their ghosts or demons. That you yourself have fallen into that matrix of perfection, but will slowly and miraculously find your way out.

You’ll realize that it can be alienating once you’ve escaped. That there are times when you just get sucked back into that void, pretending to be what everyone else is trying to be. That you’ll catch yourself slipping back into what was comfortable and toxic, but learn to pick yourself up again and again and again.

You’ll realize that absolutely nothing is in your control. That everything you try so hard to keep and hold on to can instantly slip away from your fingers. That everything you’ve planned for can never even happen. That all you actually have is the now, yourself, and how you respond to what’s right in front of you.

You’ll realize that you can never give your whole heart to any of your romantic relationships until you heal. That you need to fill yourself up on your own and not let any of your boyfriends “complete” you. Think you’ve already had the most daunting breakup of your life? Brace yourself, girl. Your heart will be broken so many more times—from failed relationships, friendships, missed opportunities, and unrealized dreams. And that’s okay. Lean into the heartbreak. Allow it to sink into the deepest recesses of your heart and listen to what it has to say.

You’ll realize that your needs are yours to meet, not theirs. That you can be your own person and feel the most content. That a partner will simply add more love and joy into your life. That you’ll know a secure and self-aware man when you meet him.

You’ll realize that everything that happens to you is simply an event—from the decisions you make to all the unforeseen circumstances in your life. That none of them can or will ever define who you are or dictate your identity.

You’ll realize that at the core of it all, you are human. You fall, you stumble, you break. You laugh, you cry, you feel. Forgive yourself for falling short. Forgive yourself for all the versions of you who simply worked with the awareness you had at that time.

You’ll realize that there is beauty in brokenness. That in the breaking, the mending, the forging, all these different parts of you will come together and form the most beautiful mosaic of your truest self.

You’ll realize that you’re a work in progress, and always will be. That at the end of the day, you’re simply trying to find joy and meaning in this life just like everyone else. That life is actually really beautiful—tragic, but beautiful.

I’m honestly not asking for much in this particular season in my life. I just want to stay present and vulnerable, to welcome whatever comes my way, and to continue walking the walk of faith.

I want to stay true to myself, hopeful, and childlike. Who knows what the future has in store, right? I bet you didn’t even think I’d come this far, but I’m sure you must be so proud.

Just be a good human, kid. Always choose kindness, authenticity, and grace. Everything else will follow.

P.S. You should really get into BTS. I heard they’re pretty cool.

Love, Trish