There’s been a common theme circling around the recent events of my 2023. The universe seems to been handing me a lot of opportunities to look back at fragments of my past that have somehow helped me gain a better understanding of my present self.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been reconnecting with old friends, revisiting old places, and reminiscing old feelings. While there’s always going to be a pang of grief from change and the passing of time, these moments seem to have elicited stronger feelings of calmness, peace, and even pride.

I remembered the friendships I’ve once cultivated, places in my old high school that bore witness to my teenage years, and all the strong feelings I had about being on stage and dancing. I remembered my youth—everyone I’ve loved and everyone I’ve lost.

These things don’t usually sit well with me. I always found it hard to navigate these thoughts and feelings concerning my past, but somehow this time around, it feels like I’ve finally learned to welcome nostalgia with an open heart and without regret or disappointment.

For most of my life, until I found the courage to come face to face with the demons of my past, I’ve been trapped and frozen in time, dwelling on things that could’ve been—things I couldn’t seem to change or get over with.

Have you also had seasons in your life where you felt like you’re never going to escape your past? Like it has such a debilitating hold you, keeping you cold and captive?

I think it’s so tragic how so much of what has happened to us can take control of our present and future. How most of the time, we continue with our lives unknowingly being prisoners to events and people that were once within our reach but are no longer so.

But how can bygones by bygones when you’ve never even reached a point of resolution or truce? On the contrary, how can we move past our most powerful moments of happiness and bliss knowing that we might not ever get a chance to experience them again?

Grief is such an interesting emotion to me. When we think of grief, we’re usually reminded of immense pain from the things we’ve lost, but I realized that grief can also apply to things that once brought us immense joy.

We grieve for everything that has made a deep-seated impact in our lives—from happiness and heartbreak, bliss and sorrow, joy and pain. It is only when we grieve and allow ourselves to hold these meaningful fragments of our lives for a moment that we inch closer towards acceptance and take the present as it is.

I think I only started having a better relationship with grief when I allowed myself to acknowledge all the emotions that came up with reminiscing and looking back at my past. I learned that I can hold space for both my past and present selves, and that I can feel pain and joy while staying hopeful and intentional about my present.

I realize, again, that change is one of the most constant things in life and that we are only responsible for how we act and respond to what’s right in front of us.

Maybe nostalgia can be such a powerful thing if we use it to acknowledge how far we’ve come, how much we’ve grown, and how much power we have over the present moment.